A part of me loves routines and to know what’s happening in my life, the illusion that I’m in control. Control of being able to pay my rent, my bills, knowing who to call, what to do. Another part of me loves to throw myself out into the unknown and get new knowledge.
I don’t know if you’re into horoscopes, but I find it kind of amusing at times and no, I don’t let it rule my day.
My sun sign is Taurus. A Taurus loves it’s home, beautiful things, routines, have a great sense of economy, great and hard worker, is romantic/passionate, loves food. All of that is very much me. My moon and ascendent is in Aquarius. An Aquarian is very independent, loves knowledge, very curious, wants to explore. This is very much me too… As you might understand Aquarians and Taurus’s don’t get along all the time. I’ve had to fight some battles within myself, ’cause you can imagine to be an extremely curious explorer that loves routines and a stable, comforting home…
I have to take care about both these sides, which is tricky at times, but I think I’ve figured it out. My aquarian will be restless and unhappy if it doesn’t learn new things or/and experience new things almost all the time. Hence I start projects, often within my own music. My Taurus wants a stable life, hence it earn money and organize for all the crazy projects that the Aquarian is up to. The hard working Taurus is an excellent combination with the very creative and exploring Aquarian. For example the Aquarian meet a lot of people that tells it stories or help the Aquarian experience the stories, the Taurus embrace the stories with empathy and feels it into it’s very bones. This combination is the result of all my songs. The Aquarian get all the crazy idea, as the Taurus is practical, it make it happen in the best, most comfortable way.
This is why I never procrastinate. First, it’s boring, second, I don’t have time, but mostly because it’s boring to talk about things you don’t intend to do. A big waste of time that prevent you from new things.
As I’ve realized that this combination is what I am, I’ve faced the truth that I’ll never, never, never, ever be in control. I’ve just figured out what I’ll probably do two years from now. These years will include a lot of adventure. My guitar and I will travel the world now and that sweet sound of my nylon guitar, there’s where my heart is and my home is in my heart. In that way, I’ll always be able to come home, no matter what I’m up to.
In the end, I’m of the opinion that control is just an illusion. If control is an illusion, that means I never had it. I can’t lose or miss something I never had in the first place. To enjoy life I need to be free. An illusion is just a mind game, you can choose if you want to believe you’re in control or not.
To be released of the illusion of control makes me
- feel and be open for new impressions and experiences.
- feel vulnerable, which makes me able to love unlimitedly. Hurts at times as well, but every laugh is pure joy because of vulnerability.
- be totally honest to myself and others, which makes me a better friend and my friends better friends to me.
- not assuming what people might think, feel or act. I ask instead if I wonder. I can only choose my own actions and thoughts, which makes me feel good even if I don’t get the answer I want.
- being proud of myself every day when I go to sleep.
- feel at peace.
- feel loved.
- love myself.
Maybe this makes sense, maybe it doesn’t and it’s ok. I might change or/and develop my thoughts after I experience and learn more things, but here is where I am now.
Have a magic day,