Warning: This is the most confusing post I’ve ever written. I wrote my mind and today I’m in the mood of sharing what’s on my mind. It’s alright to stop reading if it confuses you too, to much!
I’ve had a little break with the writing. Sometimes you need a break, unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to take a break from my mind. Closest so far is when I’m playing music, walking in nature and surfing. When I’m in a flow where my mind is only in the present and nothing else exist. That’s peace for me.
What’s been on my mind the last time has been renting out the apartment, this job ends, so where to go or stay and why and what to do. There’s so many opportunities and I have a habit to say yes to all of them. The exploring, curious mind of mine keeps on taking over my whole life. So far, I’ve been in contact with Thailand, South Africa, Italy and Sweden. Pro and cons keep coming up and so far I’ve realised it’s just one thing for sure I know that I would have loved doing. That is to be the apprentice of Leonardo da Vinci. It’s just the smaller issue of that we’re decades apart. I went to the museum of da Vinci in Venice, where there was a lot of information about all the machines he built and some machines as well, and how he was thinking. I love his mind. Creative, unlimited, focusing on solving the issue, no matter what issue. So, if I was born in the 15th century I would have a plan and country. This encouraged me to learn more Italian, ’cause what if I’m wrong and there is a life after death? What if I would meet da Vinci there and I couldn’t talk to him?
This is the practical issue, that will probably work out in one way or another.
What I would focus here is not the confusion about this, but what I’ve enjoyed lately. I’ve had the pleasure of having my darling friends visiting me. I love the fact that it doesn’t matter where you meet up, you still just continue where you are as if you were never apart. Now, of course internet helps a lot. I’m in contact with my friends almost every day. The reason why, is because I love them. They’re worth the world to me. I know I can have a good day, bad day, an ok day, a day and they still enjoy listening to me and me to them. What makes me very proud is that every time you read what you might regret when you’re dying is that you didn’t tell the people you love that you loved them. I read it and I smile, ’cause I tell my friends that. Often. I tell them how much they mean to me. Sometimes I tell people about moments I’ve had with them that I really appreciate. Makes some people a little uncomfortable, ’cause I’m very straight forward when I give compliments and I can give big compliments. If a moment is stuck in my heart I don’t mind telling the person, even years after that I think about it and I’m grateful that I had the chance to experience it. It can be having a beer in an empty beach in Thailand, having breakfast on the beach in Sweden, having a nice dinner in Italy, or just someone that takes the time to ask me how I am. Nice thoughts and words are meant to be spread. Wouldn’t you love to know if someone still thinks about a good moment you shared?
What I’ve experienced in life is both love and the lack of love. People who try to make me change and adapt my dreams so they will benefit from it, instead of creating their own and we can grow together. People who prefer me to go, instead of coming home, ’cause I’m a more interesting story if I’m on an adventure, than if I’m home. Sometimes you really just want to come home and then it’s nice if the people enjoy your presence instead of asking you when you’re leaving the next time.
In the end, we own only our own stories. I love sharing my stories and I love when people come to me and are inspired to make their own stories. Then we can share stories.
I’ve been living in three continents so far and what I’ve discovered is this thing: There’s love everywhere. There’s kind and helping hearts everywhere. In general, people want to feel good and be good. The don’t want to hurt you. I’m more than aware of what can happen. I’ve been looking into the eyes of a good friend the day after she was raped. I have many more than her that I know that’s been raped, sexually abused by everything from strangers to family. (Since there a very big racist debate in Sweden that’s going on, I also say this, yes, some were raped by Swedish people to, so no, they’re no better nor worse.)
Yes, I’m confused a lot of times. So often that it has turned into my natural state of mind.
But I know this one thing for sure: People, in general want to be good and helping. This is a good world, with people who care. I think it’s up to everyone to be a part of the butterfly effect. Lovingly. I work hard to keep my heart open and to love. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s easy. But it hurts more not to love than to close love out of your life. If you never love, you’ll never live.