At a drum session evening at the beach in Thailand I was talking to a guy meanwhile I happened to overhear another conversation.
-“You’re really good at drums” the woman said to the new guy.
-“No, I’m not. I’m just trying”. He answered.
I told the guy I was talking to that the new guy was Swedish, whereas he asked me how I knew that.
-“Because he refuse to accept her compliment and instead insulting her as he says ‘no’.”
Two minutes later the new guy told the girl he was from Sweden…
I used to be the same as in Sweden you’re not supposed to brag too much about yourself. For some weird reason this is supposed to be being humble. Which I think is very wrong. It’s in our culture, but (!!!) what we actually do is that we insult the person that takes the time and effort to tell us something that they liked. When we answer ‘No, I’m not that good’, ‘This old/cheap dress’, ‘I used to be better/I can do better’ we actually diminish their opinion. We tell them ‘Your opinion is wrong. You shouldn’t have it.’ We have no right to do so. People are entitled to their own opinions and if someone tells you something nice, it’s because they think that is true from their perspective.
I was surfing recently and the first day a newcomer came to the beach I had the best take off in my life and slided down and surfed the wave. He told me I was really great. At first I said that I was so happy about it, it felt great, but it’s not happening so often. He didn’t accept the ‘not so often’-part and told me he saw my wave no matter what I said and I just let him have the opinion. ‘Cause it was true to him and it felt good to me. It’s not my right to take away what he saw. He did see my awesome takeoff and I will do it again, but I just need to surf more to do it more frequently. To trust talent instead of luck.
Next time someone gives you a compliment try with the respons ‘Thank you’ and nothing more. Take it into your heart and realise that no matter what you’re opinion is about the thing the other person just said(it’s not about your opinion here). That person is right from his/hers perspective and entitled to share it, even if you don’t agree. You don’t have to say anything back. Maybe just that you appreciate the compliment, because if you take the time and respect to feel the beautiful things that are said about you and embrace it, you will make both you and the person who said it happy.
Lots of love,